- Dodge an assassin’s bullet, and hold off the secret service as they defeat the assassin in single combat.
- Protect a small child at a zoo by knocking out a bear
- Defeat Deep Blue at chess while doing bicep curls
- Stake out and capture Bin Laden singlehandedly.
- Respond to a debate question by hitting fresh beats and doing like fifty headspins.
- Defeat Castro in an arm wrestling match.
- Pull a rapist off a woman and rip off the rapist’s dick, while shouting “I’m HARD ON CRIME”
- Push an opponent out of the way of a speeding train. Then, while he gets back on his feet, doves explode out from behind him (still alive)
- Entering on a whim and subsequently winning “American Idol”
- Jump a football field on a motorcycle, while fireworks explode all around, and the stadium PA picks up a small microphone in his or her helmet, at which point everyone realizes this whole time he or she’s been outlining a smart way to deal with medicare reform.
- Scissor kick a dolphin
- Have a hilarious but cute blind dog, affectionately named “Public Education”
- Somehow, at the funeral of Princess Di, scream “NOT ON MY WATCH,” as he or she rushes the coffin and somehow revives her. Then, elbow Sir Elton John in the face and restart an impromptu version of “Candle in the Wind,” but with feel good lyrics.
- Take all the jobs from illegal immigrants and hand them to Americans, saying “Here. Here are your jobs back. Are you happy now?” And when the Americans don’t want to do those jobs, take of his or her white gloves and slap them across the face for it.
